Saturday, June 19, 2010

Women are Crazy vs. Men are Assholes

I'm sorry I've been so lacking in posts. There are a million excuses I can think of but being in lalalala new boyfriend land is probably the main one. But on the upside, I've been thinking tons!! about love and men and women and relationships and I'm looking forward to writing about them.

First, on the subject of "women are crazy" vs. "men are assholes". During my single life, I had many conversations with my girlfriends about how guys are assholes. They just don't get things, don't respond to situations appropriately, lack emotional response.

As I started to hang out with my boyfriend and his friends, though, I started to hear more and more that girls are 'crazy'. I think this is the equivalent feeling among a lot of guys, similar to the consensus among women that men are assholes. This equivalence got me thinking.

To be a true feminist, and thus to expect fully equal treatment between men and women, one must do the hard work of examining your own biases towards the opposite sex. So if I disagree that women are crazy, then I have to figure out what is causing me to believe that men are assholes, generally, and how that relates to the feeling that women are crazy.

Here's what I came up with. Women and men have a differing tendency of reaction and action, the former being a purely internal process and the latter being a purely external process. (Of course all of these are sweeping generalities and say nothing of the specific). So, given a situation, women are more likely to react to it, where men are more likely to act on it. Thus, women spend more time considering, pondering, investigating the details and the emotional consequences of certain actions or observations they have made. Men on the other hand are less likely to consider how they are reacting to the situation and more likely to just do something about it, or ignore it (which is actually, in many cases, a quite forceful action). As such, women are perceived by men as 'crazy', since they are likely to make perceptions or observations about a situation that a man doesn't. And men are seen as 'assholes' because they act on the situation without taking into account these perceptions and observations that feel obvious to the women.

I think it's nice to frame these generalizations this way because I think thought of in this way both sides have work to do. And perhaps this is one of the great benefits of being in a relationship. For women could learn from men how to act on their feelings and men could learn from women how to put their feelings into action.

Of course the words men and women here are somewhat useless, as I think in any relationship, be it heterosexual, homosexual, etc, it's not necessarily the gender that determines who's more or less assertive, more or less emotional. This is just a way to frame the conversation of one kind of division you might find in a relationship, and how learning to respect the other's skill is the first step in learning how to incorporate that skill into yourself.


  1. Wow. Feminist meaning for the equal treatment of woman, If I remember right Feminist are kind of like fundamentalist, their a frigging hate group. Women have had equal rights for some time, thus the cause of a supposed feminist group has already been met thus the group is un-needed, anyone who claims to be a feminist is usually just a woman who wants to blame some problem on men. To say that men tend to act a certain way is a opinion, their are no statistics to back up these claims. This is like me saying most women think men are assholes cause men tend to be providers, providers tend to seem like bosses, no one likes their boss. Makes me seem like an asshole hu? Now examine your own claim and see how any intellectual just lost a lot of respect for you. Maybe not so much an intellectual female, but that's probably because their wasn't much offensive to a female in that post. However as a man I tend to also examine situations before reacting to them. Most people do. Taking time to consider repercussions before acting has nothing to do with gender race or anything to that effect it has to do with intellect. What i got out of what you said, was a fancy way of saying Men think women are crazy cause they are stupid in comparison.

  2. And women are still crazy. And I'm still an asshole. Glad the parameters of gender identity have been established. Phew.

  3. Boo... Kezia, get your head out of disneyland. Men are selfish. I married one who readily admits it. They just don't care. Period, the end, plain and simple, nothing else to ponder and analyze here. You might as well accept it now before you find out through a surprise!" realization that your Prince Charming boyfriend is just like the rest of them.

    Best of luck to you princess!

  4. I have to comment to the dude who insulted feminism. He needs some sensitivity training, or a kick where the sun doesn't shine. Insulting a group of women who fought for equality when women had none.... shows what a pig you really are. Good luck on being single forever.

  5. i don't listen to american women their worthless to me

  6. SO FUNNY! All I see are a bunch of men who want their wives to mommy them throwing a fit because a girl called them an asshole. Anonymous number 1 (the first English response that is), I find it hilarious that you are grouping yourself in with these so called intellectuals, and yet you throw a huge strawman fallacy out there with your 'boss' comparison. Nice try at making yourself seem like you could possibly be educated. ::sarcastic thumbs up:: See what you did there? You proved yourself to be an asshole. HAHAHHAHA!